


The Earth years

by Millijana



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Background Character Death, Domestic Violence, Earthborn Commander Shepard, F/M, Homelessness, Implied Violence, Inks, Leaving Home, Tattoos, Underage Character, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:00:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Millijana/pseuds/Millijana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ella Shepard's years on Earth, before enlisting. How she became the woman she is today.<br/>Telling her childhood and youth in drabbles.<br/>And memorable moments in her earlier career.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nine

**July**

 

Three days have passed since she’d left. That is one more day than normally.

She knows her Mom sometimes vanishes for a day or two, but never more. Except this time. She is afraid something had happened to her.

“Dad? Where is Mom?” she’d asked him earlier today.

He’d just grunted and taken another swig from his bottle. He doesn’t talk much to her. She wonders why that is so, but since it had always been that way, she doesn’t wonder too much. What bothers her more is the question if he doesn’t miss Mom. She surely does. She feels pretty alone.

The last fight between her parents had been louder than normal. Her headphones hadn’t even been able to drown it. Then Mommy had left and it all went quiet. And it still is, for three whole days now.

So she had started to tidy up their tiny apartment. Throwing away the broken things, putting things back where they belonged, while Daddy slept it of before he got drunk again.

He doesn’t even care if she goes to school. Since yesterday she wonders if he actually cares for her in any way, or her mother.

But Ella does. She’s afraid Mom has left them for good. Doesn’t she love her anymore? Has she done something wrong? She feels left alone and forgotten.

But she has to handle this. She’s not the little girl anymore. She’s watched her mother well enough to manage most of the stuff. Cooking and shopping will be a bit tricky, but she wishes to make Mom proud, so she’ll find a way to get things done. She has to be strong for both of them.

 

 

**August**

 

School had called on Friday. They have wondered what’s up with Ella that she’d missed school for three weeks now. Dad got angry. But the bruises are fading already. And the ache in her heart will fade, too. It just takes a little bit longer than her arm and her jaw.

 

**August, _later_**

She had hoped it would get better if she would go to school again. But it didn’t.  For some time it had been okay. He had gone back to mostly ignore her or sleeping his jag off. But then his anger came back.

Sometimes she wakes up at night hearing him shouting and throwing stuff against the wall. She never gets up. She stays under her blanket and hopes it will end soon. She wishes her mom would come back; just to tell her everything will be fine, like she had done so many times before.

But she hasn’t come back. Ella had gone to the police to report her disappearance, but they had just sent Ella back home. Someone like her mother would possibly come never back. Slum inhabitants tend to disappear. Valentina Shepard was another victim of prostitution and drugs to them; nothing more. Not even a real human being. Not worthy enough.

In those nights, when her father is at full rage, she wonders why her Mom had chosen her Dad. Why she’d fallen in love with him. Ella had never seen him do anything nice to her. He either is normal, almost distant or he is angry and brutal. That is when he’s not sleeping.

 

**October**

 

She has given up. She is pretty sure Mom is too afraid to come back home and Ella understands her. She tries most of the time to have everything finished before he wakes up and the hide in her room making no sound to catch his attention.

Her arm is itching under the cast. The man had pushed her really hard in the cabinet and she’d broken her ulnar with her attempt to catch herself. The Doc on the e.r. said there would be scar on her cheek. He said he was really sorry, but he could not help her better, because they had no insurance.  Ella is not afraid of the scar.

She’s more afraid what he’ll do next.

 

**March**

 

He’s in hospital. He had some accident while being drunk. She’s visited him once. She feels bad because she hasn’t visited him more often, but on the other hand she is afraid all the people at the hospital would see, what a disappointing daughter she is.

They possibly already think bad of her, because she doesn’t come more often. And she is afraid of their glances. She had seen it in their eyes during her only visit.

What a poor man; has to drink because this shameful thing is his daughter. She doesn’t wanna embarrass him any more than she does every day.

She better gets the apartment cleaned before he returns. At least one thing she’s good at. Cleaning.

 

 

**April**

 

Just a few more minutes and she would turn ten. He has left an hour ago and Ella is alone. She likes it that way lately.

Being alone means no one can shout at her, or make fun of her. It’s quiet and friendly when she is alone. Sometimes she sings to herself, like Mom did when she was still there.

Ella still misses her. It’s been nearly a year. She had tried not to hope anymore for Mom’s return, but today her only wish is to have her back. She wishes there would be someone who holds her when she is afraid or sad. Or have her breakfast prepared when she got up. Mom usually had left the house already, but her lunchbox had always been ready.

Someone who bakes her a cake and puts at least one candle on it, to make a wish; someone who lets her feel loved. But she has to carry on. Crying would not help her. She has to be strong and a big girl.

It will get better over time, she tells herself. But she doesn’t really believe it.

 


	2. Twelve

She’s sitting on the sofa in the lounge sipping at her beer thinking. It seems like it was hard for her to start. Like she’s never talked about this before.

When I left home, you mean? Well, what’s been left of home… I have to say.  
It had been shortly after my twelfth birthday. My father had been gone for several days again and I was tired of this whole bullshit. I had tried everything what I was capable of, to make him at least care a little bit of me, but this bastard didn’t.   
At first I didn’t plan to actually leave home. I had planned on coming back. After a few days. Just make him afraid. I’d seen some parents looking for their disappeared children through papers with pics of them, pasted on walls in the neighborhood. I thought it was a great idea to let him do that, too.   
But things worked out different. Very different.   
So, yeah the first night was really frightening. I’d never been out at night ‘till then. And it was fucking cold. I tell you, I’d never thought to be afraid of freezing to death. I’d even considered it a bad idea and had been on my way back, when I’d came past a window and saw the newest bruises on my face and did remember what had happened before he’d vanished.  
And at that moment I’d thought for the first time, what it would be like if I wouldn’t go back. Either he would start looking for me and everything would get better, or I would just stay where I am and live on my own. Yeah, it’d sounded pretty great in that moment.   
But I didn’t know of hunger and cold and being alone in a fucking unfriendly surrounding. Looking back I have to say I had planned pretty well for a twelve year old. I had taken my school back with me. Despite everything I had to go to school at least a few more years.  
Of course my teachers got suspicious, but what could they do? I’ shielded my father for so long now, that they did not ask, if there was something strange. They did not ask about dirty clothes any more or bruises or anything. It was not like I’d been the only one.  
But some kids at school saw the difference. They caught me hiding my sleeping bag between two buildings near school. One of them, Noah, asked me, if I was all on my own now.

 

“What if I am? Not you business.” She put her hands on her hips, feeling herself stronger that way.   
But the boy just grinned. “Just asked. No reason to get so defensive.”  
“I’m not defensive. I just don’t know why I should tell you.”  
“Because I might be able to help you, if you are on your own.”  
She raised he eyebrows. “Are you?”  
He shrugged lightly. “There are a bunch of us who are not living with our parents anymore.”  
“Don’t they look for you?” the fear that her own dad maybe wouldn’t look for her was creeping in.  
“No”, was his plain answer. She liked it that he didn’t come up with a story, but just told her the truth.  
“And how will you be able to help me?”  
“I guess you need a place to rest for the nights, and being in a group is always safer, than staying alone.”  
She looked at him for a very long time. Pondering if she could trust him. In the End she nodded. “I guess you’re right.”  
He smiled. “fine, wait here after school, I’ll pick you up and show you everything.”  
“But, that’s not a gang thing, is it?”  
He laughed. “No, shorty, we’re more like brothers and sisters. Some sort of family thing, a family you chose by your own.”  
“Sounds good.” She looked at him with a serious gaze. “But don’t call me shorty.”  
“What am I supposed to call you then?”  
“My name is M…” she hesitated. “Just Ella.”  
“Okay, then Ella. I’m Noah.”  
They smiled at each other.

 

Noah started to be my brother, best friend… yeah, but he’s another story.   
About that group of youngsters: Of course it was some kind of gang. It was like a fucking recruitment place for the gangs of the area. When the kids were old enough they decided what tattoo they would get. Branded for life, so to say.   
Of course my dad didn’t start looking for me. Not after some days, not after a week or a year. So I stayed with Noah. Oh, well, and the rest. At first it’d been strange, but it took me just some weeks to fit in and to learn to punch everybody in his face, if he irritates me. That had kept them away ot friendly.  
At this time I haven’t been aware of any biotic ability, they hadn’t been strong, and I hadn’t gotten any implants, but it helped me to break some noses. And keep myself safe when Noah wasn’t around.  
I think I’d distracted the first person so that someone else could steal its credit card three weeks after settling in. And another month later I stole the first myself.   
These kids were mostly like me. They had parents who didn’t care about them, left them, and didn’t want them. They made me feel less alone. I was part of something.   
Yeah, that’s the story about me leaving home. Basically, there’s more, but not now, okay?


	3. Fifteen

„Okay, now slowly,” he said standing beside her guiding her arm. “Take both hands to aim; it’s easier for you that way.”

“But you don’t use two hands.”

He smirked. “You’re a girl.” He says it, like it would explain everything. She’d heard that so damn often in the last months since they’ve joined the Tenth Street Reds. Like it was anything lesser than a guy.

“And I can just shoot with one hand, if I’m a guy, or what?”

Noah let his weapon sink and bridged the little space between them. “No, Ella. But the kick would put your shoulder out of joint.”

“Just because I’m female?”

Now he laughed. “No, Sweetie, because you’re still so small. When you’re bigger, you’ll perhaps be able to shoot one-handed.”

“Fuck, Noah, you’re just two years older than me. Don’t treat me like a stupid toddler.” He’s doing that every damn time and she hated it.

“It’s not that.” He lifted one hand and put it on her shoulder joint. “This is not yet strong enough to handle the force.”

“Then why should I carry a weapon, if I’m not strong enough? Huh?”

He smiled and leaned a bit down. He’d grown so much in the last year, while she’d stayed small. “Because I don’t wanna be afraid to leave you alone when I’m on a job, okay?”

She looked at him, anger already rising in her chest. Many things had changed since he found her with her sleeping bag a bit more than two years ago. He was a friend at first, then more like her big brother and now he was more than both.

And what had changed most of all: she was able to beat a guy. Beat him unconscious if necessary. There was something inside her that let her eyes glow blue and sends something like electricity through her skin. Only when she’s really upset, but that’s the time when she needed it most. Sometimes it even happened when she slept with Noah, but it was different in those Situations. Positive. He could feel it, too, sometimes and liked it. So it couldn’t be all bad.

One of the older gang members asked her why she didn’t have implants. At first she didn’t know what he was talking about. He had to explain it to her. Biotic. Normally she should have implants, but she guessed it was also her father’s fault she didn’t.

After the talk with the gang member she did some research on the extranet and learned that only amped Biotics were able to use their full potential. She accepted the fact that she would never be able to do this. She didn’t wanna be like the Biotics she’d been told about or she’d seen in the gang. They were mad or fucking scary.

But there still was the fact she could at least use it, to raise her strength. Enough to hurt somebody who was about to hurt her.

“I can handle myself.”

“Like that time with Finn?” he asked with an angry voice. More than he wants to, she knows that, but it was always like that when it comes to this topic. Noah never realized that it had changed her and her stance to violence. She had to be more violent than the one in front of her to live this life. She’d understood this.

“That’s nearly a year ago. I’m different now. I’m stronger and…”

“And still my girl, okay? It’s my fucking job to take care of you!”

And once more he interrupted her. Once more he didn’t listen.

“Yah, sure.” She shook her head slightly. “That’s why I have to climb through air shafts or am the distraction?”

He snorted. “What do you want? Be the one who is caught by the cops?”

“No, I don’t fucking care what part I’m doing but I want at least you to take me seriously. I’ve earned this tattoo, okay? Not by luring someone into a fucking trap arranged by others, but by fulfilling my own job.”

She’d to break into a warehouse and take out the only guard, then let the rest of her team in. Sure, she had to crawl through another air shaft, but the point was she had to prove herself by acting on her own. Dealing with the guard as she saw fit. Creating her own strategy. Get the fucking job done.

He sighed. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. But that doesn’t change that it would be better for now to use both hands to steady the gun. Your aim will be much better until you’ve learned to handle the kick of the weapon, okay?”

“Sounds much differently.” She smiled at him.

And he smiles back. With his free hand he raised her chin and planted a kiss on her lips. “Sorry. I do take you seriously, but sometimes…”

“Sometimes you forget, I’m not twelve anymore.”

He withdrew a bit. “No, I don’t.” Noah said it in a serious way, and he probably meant it, but Ella knew he didn’t see her as a full member of the Gang yet.

“Yet you treat me like that,” she just said. Then she sighed. There was no use in discussing this. When she complained like a twelve year old girl he would treat her like this forever. She had to show him and all the other fucking idiots in the Gang. And she would show them, she promised herself.

She started to train herself. By the end of the year she ran faster than any other of the girls and hit harder than most of the guys in her subgroup. Thanks to her stunted Biotics only the other Biotics, the amped ones, were better than her.

 

At the age of sixteen the younger ones got sorted out by the main Gang. Those who were good enough would join them. The rest stayed cannon fodder.

The chosen ones got the chance to rise in the gang hierarchy. It took Ella just three months to be the head of her group. Even Noah now followed her lead. She was better at almost everything than him and he just accepted it.

She was confident in her new role. She liked it to lead and to make sure everyone made it out safe from the Cops. Until they expected her to do something, she wouldn’t do. And things escalated.


	4. Sixteen

“What did you just say?” Carlton snarled at her. Is face was a grimace of someone who just heard the one word he would never accept and would always make the other person regret saying it.

“No,” Ella just repeated.

Carlton looked at her with his cold grey eyes that make others tremble and fear him. But not her. She’d had her problems with him before. He was a guy who didn’t respect women, who treated them like lesser beings and let Ella feel it in particular. It drove him crazy that she was actually more successful than him. He hated that she was undermining his position.

But she had one weak spot and he knew that. And this was the particular reason why he had summoned her AND Noah.

That was the reason he gave her one of the tasks, she’d never fulfill. “So you refuse a task given by me? Someone higher in the gang hierarchy than you?”

She arched on of her eyebrows and her dark eyes glared at him dangerously. She had perfected that gaze in the last month while working closer with Carlton. And he was just a fucking dick, with an ego twice his size. But he unnerved her to no end with his damn attitude towards women and especially her. She would be glad when she would let him behind him when rising to the next level of the gang.

She would be the one in charge then, but she would not let it get the better of her. No, actually she planned on just ignoring him. She had worked too hard on her self-control to let it slip so easy for such an asshole. That would not happen.

“Obviously I do. Though, as far as I remember, we are of the same rank, and you just keep the command of this little cell, because you are here longer than I am.” She kept her cool radiance; her eyes telling differently though, if you knew what to look for.

She had worked on her temper. She had learned that a meltdown did help her in the fewest situations. She had to stay cool and always keep the control of the situation.

And with jerks like him it was best to make him angry and stay cool herself.

“What little you know, girly.”

A feigned smile on her lips she looked at him for a moment. “Don’t call me girly, asshole. You’ll lose you precious cock faster than you prefer, if you do it again.” Her voice was a controlled, silent threat. She wouldn’t take this shit from him. He didn’t impress her.

But he stayed cool and smiled, actually amused. “Oh, Shep, you are really cute, when you’re angry. I wonder what it’s like when you’re afraid.”

She scoffed. “Me afraid of you? Tsk. Dream on.”

But Carlton shook his head, still this fucking smile on his lips. And Ella started being concerned what this was about. “No, not for yourself, deary.” He made some steps towards her, getting more serious again. “You’re a tough bitch, I have to admit that. But, I always knew there had to be something weak about you. You’re a woman at last, and there is always one thing that makes you weak: love.”

Her annoyance was written all over her face. She knew her temper had gotten the better of her eventually, but she didn’t care right now. This has turned to pretty serious busyness. He was not threating her.

“What are you implying, asshole?”

“I’d love to see you crying for someone you love. But I will give you the chance to deny me that amusement.”

Suddenly there were a few quick movements around her and all three of Carlton’s guys had raised guns. Just two were directed at her. The last one’s muzzle was touching Noah’s temple.

“You wouldn’t dare…”

“You have no fucking idea what I’m capable of, bitch. So make your call, if you don’t wanna find out.”

She realized there was no way, she could win this. Frustration made her grinding her teeth. Yes, she was fucking afraid they would hurt Noah. But what was expected of her was… more than just a task, or a job. She would not let one of her member sell drugs on a school ground. It was absolutely sure he would get caught. And selling drugs too kids? New customers? No, never.

“Don’t,” Noah said.

“Shut up”, she snapped at him. She knew he would say this. But there had to be other possibilities. Something she could do. But right now nothing came to her mind. All she could think of was Noah’s head exploding in a burst of red, when she stuck to her beliefs.

“Tough call for the tough bitch, huh?” Carlton laughed ugly and Ella felt how her temper was even raising more. She felt her Biotics awake. But they wouldn’t help her here. She wasn’t amped and not able to perform any of these fancy moves she saw on TV. She just could beat the living out of somebody. But that would kill him.

“What’s your fucking problem? He has nothing to do with this. You don’t like me? Fine. Shoot me, do whatever you like, but keep him out.” She was still too stubborn to give in.

“What my fucking problem is, you ask? You fucking little bitch came and stole my fucking position. It was me, who should have gotten those little bastards, you call your ‘team’. They should have been mine and should have me provided the possibility to rise further in the hierarchy.” His voice got louder and more aggressive as he went on. “But then there were you. You are in my way. And you are predictable. You still have reservations against certain things. You make everything as safe as possible, no risks for your team. But here with this task you know someone would get caught. And you know that.”

Ella stared at him furiously. He had set this up. He wanted to destroy her. Be out of his way. One way or another. He knew obviously pretty well she would not send one of her team to fullfill such a sensitive task. She would do it herself. And now she wouldn’t be surprised it the cops would get a hint. They would get her. Or he would use his advantage over her weak spot. Noah. With him dead he supposed she would leave, or fail in the future. That this was one of the rare things she didn’t need Noah for. On all other things she needed Noah more than air.

But Carlton wasn’t known for his patience. “You should hurry up, bitch, his time is ticking.”

Ella wasn’t able to form one coherent thought. She felt like the girl she once was again, and just stud there frozen. All of the control, she had gained in the last years, she had worked so hard for was lost. Just gone; like it’d never existed.

And then things escalated quickly.

“Let’s show her how serious we are..” Carlton gave the one threatening Noah a hint and then there was the first gunshot, Noah’s grunt, and she saw blood soaking through his jeans which spread fast.

She didn’t even hear her scream; there was just she and her rage, and Noah, kneeling on the floor pressing his hand on his wound, breathing heavily because of the pain. Each breath fueled her anger even more.

She knew it was a mistake, but it was already in motion. She heard the shots, but it was too late. A sharp pain on her arm, but not enough to wake her up. She suddenly had a gun in her hand, how she acquired it, she didn’t know. It was just there and it aimed at Carlton’s face right before her. His own gun gone. What the fuck…

“Seems I have underestimated you, bitch.”

“Seems, like you should think of another name for me, asshole,” she snarled.

“I still have you precious little lover. If you kill him, he’ll die. If you let me go, I will just kill you one day.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Will you?” Ella shook her head. “I don’t think so. Until he realized, you are dead, his head already exploded.” Her voice was like ice.

“Ella,” Noah panted. “Just let him go. Don’t do this.”

She didn’t look at him. “No. Not going to happen. He’d want revenge. A chance I’ll not give him.”

Carlton grinned and Ella felt the sudden wish to beat the fucking smile out of his face, until her knuckle were bare and there was nothing left of his face. She was pretty sure this was the very first time she felt true hate.

“So, you want me dead?” He nodded. “I had calculated it. Not as a real threat, but the possibility had been there. So I decided to take some precautions. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t attack the one of us who is threatening your lover.”

“Fuck you, asshole,” she just said and pulled the trigger.

But nothing happened.

Her eyes widened and she knew she had made a gravely mistake. The sound of the gun to her right was the evidence. Another grunt, the sound of him falling, Carlton’s laughter, herself yelling; it all sounded far away and strangely stretched. She knew the gun was pointing at her; there was no use to move. There were just two possibilities, surrender or die.

“You still have the chance; he’s not yet mortally injured.” Carlton let her know. “But very close.” He raised his eyebrows a bit.

Hot tears started to burn in her eyes. Tears of frustration, of disappointment in herself, fear for Noah to die and helplessness. There was nothing she could do.

“I’ll ask you this a last time, bitch. Will you obey my command?”

She closed her eyes and hated herself even more, when one tear fell from her eye. But she nodded. She would not kill Noah. Then she would rather rot in jail.

“Fine, I thought so. Now let me teach you something.”

Her head turned abruptly, when the hand hit her face with force. Her eyes were still closed. “Don’t ever think of disobeying, bitch.” He made pause. “But that’s hard for you, huh? Let me give you a lesson you’ll never forget.”

She knew what would happen before she heard it. She knew she would be too slow. She knew she would probably die, but she didn’t give fuck.

She killed them; both. And she never felt worse in her entire life. Until now she’d always been able to prevent this, but shed had no fucking control over herself anymore. Everything in her was screaming, was aching to beat the shit out of them. To have their blood on her hands.

When she knelt beside Noah he was barely breathing. He was shaking in pain and his face was pale like death himself. She wasn’t ashamed of her tears now. “I’m sorry. I should have given in earlier. I’m so sorry, Noah.”

“No… hon,” his voice barely more than a whisper. ”It’s alright… Just leave now.”

“No, I won’t leave you here to die, Noah. I’ll get you out of here. You’ll be fine.” She knew she was telling lies here. But her mind made her believe them with all desperation.

“Hon. Just leave… please.”

“Not going to happen. Forget it.” But she didn’t try to move him either.

She just stayed there, till his breath leveled out more and more. He stroked his head with light touches of her fingertips. Looking at him. Just being with him. Heavy sobs made her trembling.

When the night came, she finally rose. She was tired. But he had wished her to live. Leave all this behind. Oh, she would. She whould leave New York. She would leave this fucked up life behind her and start somewhere new.

After one final task.


	5. Nine

She screwed up her eyes and made a hissing sound.

Fuck, that hurt.

She had known it would be no breeze, but not that much. But the artist had already told her how sensitive the area around the spine could be. And he had told her the thigh could be even more painful, and her knee.. and maybe every part of her fucking body the tattoo would pass.

But it would be worth it. Every inch of pain would be worth the outcome. The pain was almost comforting. It soothed away the rest of her feelings. She still heard the shot in her dreams and smelled his blood whenever she closed her eyes.

Alcohol did help in the beginning, but then she reminded herself of the bastard who used to be her dad and she destroyed every drop of alcohol in her room she could find in her frenzy. Eventually she’d begun to find other things that would distract her. Things that would exhaust her enough to give her a deep dreamless sleep.

She ran, faster and further she’d ever done. She lifted more weight than any other woman she knew. She fought men, for the challenge; and won. The bruises would fade and the little wounds wouldn’t give her scars. All of this would fade; except for the pain inside of her. She needed something more permanent. Something that would remind her even if the pain would ever stop.

The pain was inside her and would never leave her completely. Like her implants it ran along her nerves, her spine and her muscles. It. made very move harder and easier at the same time.

But this physical pain made her feel better, even before the tattoo was finished.

This was even better than the one time she’d lost a fight and was brought to hospital with a broken arm, broken ribs and an internal bleeding from her perforated stomach. She ran from the hospital as soon as possible after her surgery. Before they could contact her son of a bitch of a father and they could ask for the non-existent insurance.

She’d been a bit sad that there would be no scar from this incident. One of the nurses had told her they had given their best to not let her pretty body show any sign of this surgery and the terrible thing that had happened to her. She would have laughed if she wouldn’t still have been too drugged to do anything more than smile. What did they know? It had been the best fight of her life. And she would have loved a reminder but those fucking docs did their jobs too well.

She laid there for hours thinking on her life’s decisions and what they had made of her. A tough bitch some called her. They did not know how little they could be further away from the truth. She was broken and didn’t care anymore for herself. What could happen to her that was worse than her botched life. She always snorted when someone called her ‘tough’ and smiled ironically. Yah, sure. Think whatever you wish to think. I don’t give a shit. And you obviously, too.

She started to shiver and sweat at the same time.

“I think we should stop, girl.”

“I don’T care what you think. Just carry on.”

The artist sighed and hesitated. “Girl, you start shivering, it’s too much for your body.”

“Once again: I don’t care what you think. And even more I never let my body decide when it’s enough.” She turned her head a bit to look at them man. “I have no idea if I will live long enough to come back. So finish this fucking tattoo and you won’t have to think about me again.”

He looked at her as if he had to ponder whether she was serious or if she was just making up to keep him going. Finally he continued his work, and Ella rested her head on her forearms again and closed her eyes.

No shooting, no ugly laughter, no questions if she was willing to obey now, no metallic scent of blood, no pain loaded groans from the floor beside her, no tears in her eyes, no fear, no surrendering. Just this pain on her skin and its sensitive nerves, the humming of the inking tool and the breath of the man behind her, who is not touching her with bare hands; who’s not allowed to do this. The gun in her hand that made sure he’s doing what she is paying for and wouldn’t make any other move towards her. She knew his rep, but also that he’s the best one in New York.

She had to smile. Yeah, right now she was feeling like a tough bitch. And she had to admit, she could get used to it.


	6. Passage

She moves slowly through the crowd. She is avoiding touches, scanning the room with her eyes and a predatory smile on her lips, while she walks slowly towards the bar.

Her steps are measured, the swing of her hip something she does on purpose, without appearing camp. It was like she was moving naturally this way.

Her makeup was light, but eye catching, giving her skin a bronze shimmer, and let her eyes glow.

Her hands are in the pockets of her pants as she reaches the bar. She orders her first drink and sips casually from it, when it is given to her. It’s clear without ice, her lipstick doesn’t leave a mark on the rim.

She doesn’t move with the beat of the music. Like she doesn’t hear it or it doesn’t affect her. A faint smile is still in the corner of her mouth as she continues to scan the club.

She turns her head as he addresses her. He’s handsome and he knows it. That kind of guy that gets in every pants he wants to. She smiles when she turns a bit more and faces him; we’ll see if he manages to get into these…

 

He is standing behind her on the dance floor. She isn’t talented, but she can cover that well enough, when there is someone to hold onto. Someone who’s holding her, on her hips, pulling her against him. Someone who likes her brushing her ass against him and teasing him of thing to come; or not.

She’d never planned to let him fuck her. It was mostly about something else. Something she enjoyed these days almost more than sex.

His hands are on her hips, his lips are brushing over her neck, as she moves against him. He is murmuring compliments in her ear; things he thinks are compliments. He’s telling her, he plans on fucking her. Her eyebrows are arching and she turns around abruptly.

“I don’t think so.” She looks up at him. Though he’s not exactly tall, she has to look up.

“C’mon, I’m sure you want it. Maybe not now, but by the end of the night, you’ll have changed you mind.”

She smirks ironically. “If you say so. I’m curious how you want to manage this.”

 

He continues to buy her drink after drink. He doesn’t realize that she’s not actually getting drunk. Not enough to seduce her. But he’s getting drunk and reading the wrong signs. Well, that are the only ones he’s getting. She had decided he was one of those who didn’t deserve better. Teaching a lesson she calls it these days.

 

She leaves without telling him, curious if he will follow, or not. Curious if he had listened or if he doesn’t give fuck that she said no.

She’s already around the corner, as hastened steps are getting louder behind her. “Hey! Where are you going?”

She smiles, but gets serious before turning around and facing him. “Home?”

“I want to come with you.”

“Do you? What’s so difficult about a ‘no’?”

“Nothing, but I don’t think you’ll mean it. It’s always the same with girls like you. You say no, but mean yes.”

She shakes her head. “That’s what you think?” She takes a moment, to pretend to think about it. “No, no I think I actually meant no, when I said it.”

He doesn’t give up. She’s given him his last chance she turns around telling him if he follows her she’ll let him regret it.

But he doesn’t listen. She can almost read his mind, when he is pressing her against the wall of the small alley. She so small, there is nothing he has to fear about her. He is a man and stronger.

Just that he isn’t. He grunts as her knee hits him. Blood is on his face as she hits him faster with her knee again, as he bends down, than he could see it coming. Her elbow hits his jaw as he finally manages to look up. She’s much faster than him and avoids his attempts to hit her. Just one got through. A hard one that makes her laugh. Her blood is so full of adrenaline by now, she does barely feel it.

Her grin makes him furious and he tries to charge her, but she is faster and avoids him, making him fall and running against the wall he had pressed her against before.

Blood is dropping from his chin after she is finished with him, he is kneeling on the floor. Her own right eye is already swelling and she knows it will hurt like fuck when the adrenaline is passing out. But right now she is feeling fine.

“Like I said: No means no. Keep that in mind next time, piece of shit.”

Then she turns around. It will take a while until she can have this kind of fun again. Her face has to heal first. She could use the time to let someone actually fuck her for a change.


	7. An End

She took a deep breath. The last time she would deal with them. One way or another. She had ten minutes. The final task she had given herself.  
She was calm. It would end today and that was a great thing. She didn’t expect to live this through. She wasn’t afraid. That last weeks had been hell and she was sure it would stay this way for a fucking long time. This, today, had kept her functional. Knowing there was something to do, to work for. But after that? She had no fucking idea what to do if she walked out of this on her feet. But she didn’t expect it anyway. Once they found out she wasn’t joking they would not let her live.

She opened her eyes and knocked at the door.  
When Ella entered the room all eyes were on her. Some surprised, unsure what she was doing her. But not the man behind the desk. His lips curled in a knowingly smile. The arrogant man he was, he had expected her, she realized. Maybe he had, but probably not what she was about to tell him; so she smiled too.  
“You finally came,” he said. “I have waited for this, I must admit. I had thought you’d be quicker in finding me.”  
Ella snorted amused. “Oh I knew all along where you are. I just had to settle a few things beforehand.” She started to grin.  
He nodded. “Sayin’ goodbye to the poor bunch of losers you’ve gathered around you?”  
But she just shook her head. “But I had a conversation. A pretty interesting one, actually.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
He looked at her. He was curious, his eyes fixing on her, his smile fading the tiniest little bit. “And I guess you are her to tell me about it.”  
She nodded. “Yah, that’s the reason of my visit.”  
“Not revenge?” he asked with raised eyebrows.  
“You know sometimes things go hand in hand.” She tried to keep the cool façade while inside of her the excitement rose. She waited for a moment, pondering if she should talk about her reasons first. Nah, it didn’t matter. He would know. “To make it short: Outside of this building you are awaited by the police. You have ten minutes to get out of here unarmed, or they come in and won’t ask questions.”  
He laughed. It should show her that he didn’t believe her. But she saw clearly that he wasn’t sure if she was making this up or not. “In both cases you are fucked too.”  
She grinned bitterly and shrugged. “Maybe I don’t care. And maybe I made a deal in the case I survive this. Maybe not. Maybe I’m just gonna die here. I couldn’t care less.”  
He snorted. “You wanna make me believe that you made them to let you go? You are one of us.”  
She tilted her head. “A good thing you just let me do the small jobs. What you did to keep me small is now savin’ my ass. I think I have to thank you for that. And they weren’t so much interested in me than in you.”  
He shook his heat. “I could just shoot you before you can give them the signal.”  
She smiled. “There is no signal. They will come. No matter what happens in here. But if you want,” she shrugged. “Shoot me. Will add to your account, I guess.” She was proud of herself that she stayed perfectly calm while everything inside of her screamed ‘Do it already!’.  
“Little, filthy whore. You’ll pay for this,” he snarled.  
But Ella just smiled with one corner of her mouth, keeping up her calm and indifferent attitude. “Go to hell.”  
He stared at her for a moment and then suddenly started to laugh. “You want me to do it, right? You want to die here, right?” He shook his head. “You almost had me. But no, if I go down, it won’t be by your rules, girl.” He looked at his guards. “Bind her to a chair and then get everything ready to leave.”

She had fought. She had screamed, bitten and provoked. But they had just laughed. One of them had bent down to look in her face and grabbed her chin to make her look at him too. “Just be glad we are in a hurry. I would gladly have teached you a lesson. Would have been a challenge to break you.”  
She’d spit him in his face and gotten a slap across hers in return; hard enough to make her face burn an enough force that she could not keep her head straight. She had tasted blood in her mouth, maybe her lip.  
Then they had left her.  
She’d heard the gunshots. Now everything was quiet. Maybe no one would look for her and she would just starve. Great, really great.  
But then there were steps on the stairs.

 

“Are you sure?” The detective’s face showed concern.  
She nodded. “Yah, I know exactly where to go and what to do, now that this is all behind me,” she said with a reassuring smile. “I have plans.”

And the first of her plans involved a lot of alcohol. The second one was getting rid of this fucking gang-tattoo. And after that? She smiled bitterly as she walked away. Well, probably seeing how much she could stretch her luck.


	8. Chapter 8

_** 2173, Quantico, Earth ** _

          She took a deep breath. In her head she recalled al the tiny movements belonging to this fucking mnemonic. She knew each of them. You could wake her in her fucking sleep and she would know, could recall every damn step. Already before her surgery she had learned them, practiced, so it would be easier afterwards. Just that it wasn’t.

     She had practiced for three weeks. Not a single time she had been able to get farther than two meters. She should be able to cross the fucking room by now. She saw what the others did on every single fucking day. And what she should be able to do, if you asked her. The fucker who was training her was telling her that it wouldn’t work this way, they had years of experience have gotten their implants as teens and grew up with them. But Ella didn’t give a fuck. She knew that she also had less time. She knew what she had been capable of before she got her implants.

     The music in her ears helped her. Finally there was no one talking, trying to motivate her but constantly disturbing her concentration. Finally she would not have to see what she was not capable of. There was just her and her mind in the gym at this time. And suddenly activating them was much easier. She felt the subtle buzzing running over her skin, starting on the back of her neck. She saw how she lit the place a bit more up and knew this was the fucking way she should practice.

     Three hours later and three charges of each five meters she breathed heavy, and swiped some sweat off her forehead before it could run into her eyes. She had broken one char with a pull and maybe a bit too much force, when it had crashed on the wall behind her. And her most successful Nova had left some damage on the floor, after she had lost a bit of control. But it was something. She now had to learn to do it with more distractions. But that could wait for tomorrow.

     When she turned around she almost shrieked and jumped. “What the fuck… How long are you here?”

     He grinned and shook his head. “A bit jumpy, aren’t we? I’m here long enough to see, that you are making progress.” Derek leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets.

     Ella snorted. That fucking idiot had sneaked in here and had watched her the whole fucking time? Yeah, figures. Of course he had. Like he had come back every fucking day into the hospital after her surgery. Goddamn, here was no fucking way to get rid of him. “Yeah, I did. Why did you follow me?”

     The soldier shrugged. “Been nosy what you are up to when you left the barracks.”

     “That’s none of you damn business, Parker.”

     He pushed himself from the wall now standing there looking at her completely unimpressed. “Aw, now c’mon. I thought we were past that point, Mirella. And you can’t even deny that you liked my company.” He shrugged with a grin. “And besides: I’m curious if you can do all of thet again, now that you know I’m here.”

     She glared at him. “Fuck off, Parker.”

          But he didn’t and also not the next evening and the evening after that. She had to get used to him watching her while she tried to ignore him as best as she could.


	9. 2174, Arcturus Station, shore leave for 3 days

         ”Ella,” he said trying to hold her back, but it was too late. And he knew by the look of her face, the cold grin she threw at the other guy. Her eyes already gleaming with danger. That he needed one hand to stop his nose from bleeding wasn’t helping exactly.

     She took a step closer to that man, just half a head taller than her. Bulky, but not military, maybe a mechanic. Her back straight and her muscles already tensed up. Derek knew that the other guy was so close to be beaten to shit - just one wrong word and he would regret that. But the soldier also knew there was hardly anything he could do to stop her. 

          “Apologize,” she growled. She was hardly able to keep her anger back, the low, dark tone of her voice evidence, even if you didn’t know her. She waited for a moment and theraised her hand, pointing with her index at Derek, still staring at the blonde man in front of her. “I said: Apologize. Now.”

     But instead the man did something stupid. He laughed, didn’t take her seriously. He underestimated her. He maybe didn’t realize that she hadn’t been just some girl that had met a soldier, but was a soldier herself, and he surely didn’t know that she was a biotic.

    Ella smiled a bit wider and a bit colder. He wasn’t prepared when her fist hit his face, and almost made him stumble. It was a quick movement hardly prepared and with even less aim. Yet his head jerked back. He shook his head a few times. But he still chuckled. “Well done, girl. Not do what’s a girl’s job and tend to your little boyfriends wounds.” He chuckled. Her jab hadn’t hit him properly, both Derek and Ella knew. And she hadn’t even used what she was best at. But her opponent didn’t.

     ”And if I don’t?” 

         ”I might show you your place like I did with your guy there.”

     ”Can’t wait to see that,” she scoffed. 

       She saw it coming. Derek saw the rising tension in her back muscles and her thighs.

    Ella waited for the impact. It could hardly be any words than any of the hits she had taken before. She didn’t have the illusion to keep standing straight so moving her head and torso would be clever, take away as much force from the hit as possible. She didn’t expect him to try to land another hit.

          She was right, it did help, yet the hit was still hard enough to make her groan quietly. She stayed for a moment in the bent position after he had hit her, shaking her head slowly and moved her jaw carefully. Nothing was broken or dislocated. Good. 

     ”That’s why you should obey to men, because they are stronger than you, honey.” 

               He had just signed his own death warrant, without knowing it. Not only the name. But also the thing about places a woman had to stay in. There was rarely anything else that would get her pumped up as quickly. He would pay, but for now he still laughed.

          Until she flared up and pinned him ne second later to the wall a few steps behind him, her forearm pressing against his throat. He coughed and tried to push her away, but she was in advance, knowing who to keep him in place. Her biotics still making her glow blue and all of her hate directed at him. “Not laughing anymore, huh?” she snarled. She stared at him for a moment, her chin pushed forwards. Wanna know in what place I would put you in? Hm?Wanna see where you belong?” Again pure scoff, full of hate and disrespect.

     Faster than the man had expected his head made contact with the floor, hart and Ella didn’t even bother to stop the impact. He would be in pain? Good. He would be injured? She didn’t care. Not the slightest. The little bit of a stasis she was able to create made it not impossible for the man to move, but not enough to get her of him and even more off her knee from the side of his face pressing it onto the floor. “Isn’t that a nice place for a motherfucker like you? You are right there where you belong, asshole. If I’d bother enough, I’d even make sure to let you know what it feels like to be under the heel of a woman, but I don’t this should be lesson enough.”

          “What is your fucking problem bitch? Has your daddy not been nice to the whore of a mother you have?” He had taken a breath to continue, but had never continued to speak.

     Her fingers grabbed his hair, while her knee was off his face, and she pulled his head back, before she slammed him back onto the floor. Her biotic aura had turned almost white, not because she had control over it, not the slightest, but because she completely lost it. If he could have made his situation any worse this was probably the way to achieve the worst case.

          She saw the blood, but it didn’t make her stop. It took Derek three times until he finally made it back onto his feet and pushed her with his body off the man, so she probably ripped out some hairs of the head of the poor fucker, but stopped killing him. He was atop of her now, grabbing fro her wrists, pushing them to the floor. 

     ”Let me go!” she demanded with a deadly voice.

          “No,” he only said. Intensifying his hold on her, even without her struggling. “Calm the fuck down.”

     ”Get the fuck off me. He deserves it,” she snarled. 

          They stared at each other, when he didn’t respond to her. He just held her down, knew at some point she would start fighting him as well. And he wouldn’t put his bet on winning against her in her state. 

     But something else happened before that. A drop of blood, from his still slightly bleeding nose fell onto her face, and she suddenly snapped out of her frenzy. Derek realized the change, he knew her well enough to know that it was over. As soon as one of her hands was free, she put it on her face, staring at her fingers, now stained with his blood. And then the realization of what she had almost done kicked in.

     Her face was like petrified, she felt empty, shocked, and all she wanted was to get out of here. An old desire was forming in her and she had to close her eyes to fight it back for long enough to manage to tell Derek to let her go now. And he did. 

          She had been lucky. The man’s head had been stronger than all of them had feared. He had already sat up when Ella was still staring at her hand. He just got up and looked at her. “What’s wrong with that bitch?” he asked Derek, who could only shake his head. 

     ”You know, you just make me regret to keep her from crashing your bloody skull, mate. You better make sure you get your arse out of here as fast as possible. If her face starts to bruise you’ll probably the one who’s punished, not her. All of us are witnesses for her position.” He shrugged and raised his eyebrows. 

           ”Thank you,” she said much later, sitting at a table an ice pack on her face.

     Derek had just nodded. “Mir, I have seen you lose it before… but never like this. Why? Why was he able to get to you like this?”

          She was quiet for a long time, before she was able to tell him about the reasons why he had said exactly the very wrong things. And in the end Derek kinda understood why she had snapped like that. Not what he would have done, but she. She was just like this.


	10. Different Paths

„Oh my fucking God,“ she gasped.

She let herself slide down from him and closed her eyes for a moment when she lay beside him, catching breath waiting for her pulse to slow down again.

He brushed her sweat damped hair out of her face. “You gonna miss me?”

She grinned. “The fuck or the dumb questions?”

He laughed. “Both I guess.”

She shook her head. “Not even near, buddy. Now get out of my bed and getfucking dressed. They won’t wait for you and I’m even stuck for longer with you here.” She gave him a soft push and chuckled deep in her throat. She didn’t mean it like that and he knew.

“Ah I see, my favorite Lieutenant wants to get rid of me to continue her shore leave with someone else.”

“Yah, dozens of them, Derek. I’m just waitin’ ‘till you leave to have the real fun.” She raised an eyebrow. “And besides, I thought you were your favLieutenant. What’s changed? Not pleased with your performance?”

He grabbed her jaw with one of his big hands and made her look at him, he was grinning and kissed her hard and demanding. “Seems enough to please you, hon.”

She freed herself from his grip and sat up quickly. “Don’t call me that,” she growled before she got up and started to dress herself.

“Hey, what’s up, Mir? What is it this time?” He seemed irritated, but she didn’t give a fuck.

“Nothing.” She continued at first but stopped after some time and turned around to face him. Her pants on her hips still open her shirt in her hand. “We have to stop this, Derek. It’s getting too far.”

“What the fuck? Mir, you can’t be serious..”

She clenched her jaw for a moment. “We are soldiers, Derek, we should know better.”

“Better than what? Knowing better than being human?” Lieutenant Derek Parker looked at her with his dark eyes and a stern face. They were friends since basic training. And sometimes they were even more.

“Better than starting this fucking relationship. Or whatever it is we’re doing here.” She put on her shirt. “Being on separate missions will be good for us.”

He stopped in his own attempt to get dressed. “you don’t mean that.”

She glared at him. “The fuck, I usually mean what I say. And you know that, Derek.”

He took a swift step towards her and grabbed her upper arm when she turned around to look for her boots. “Look at me, Mir. You are about to tell me you have no feelings?”

She stared him in her typical stubborn manor. “No, Derek, what I’m trying to tell you is that we should stop this before there are more feelings.”

“What the fuck…”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Once again she freed herself from his grasp. “You will be the next three years on a vessel out in the terminus Systems. Do you really believe we put this on a pause until you get back and pull it back up? Really?” She shook her head. “Have you ever gotten the thought one of us wouldn’t make it? Oh fuck it, Derek. I don’t even think we should have this conversation. It should be pretty damn clear.”

“Finished? Because it seems you think I have nothing to say in this matter. But let me tell you: I don’t give fuck what we ‘should’ do. All I know is that I enjoy the time we spend together and if I come back from this assignment I’m not willing to give up.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Derek…”

“No, Mirella. Stop pretending you don’t feel the same way.”

She sighed. “I’m not pretending anything, Derek. I’m just trying to be reasonable.”

“Fuck reasonable, Mir. I could always visit you, wherever you are stationed.”

She sighed. “I don’t even know where I’m headed to. I don’t have any confirmation yet. I’m stuck here on Elysium for another 48h and then… I don’t fucking know.”

“We’ll figure it out, Mir.”

She made a pause. He’d never understoond that her job, her assignments would always come first. He wished for something she could not give him. They’ve been good friends, but this WAS going too far. “No, Derek. I don’t want to. I just wanna be the soldier I had planned to, get KIA one day and that’s it. No lose ends, no one left behind, nothing like this. I wanna be the best soldier I can be and I want nothing on my leg that holds me back.”

“You think I’m holding you back?”

“You would if I’d let you. So it’s basically a yes. If this is what you need tohear to finally understand.”

He nodded a grave expression on his face. “Fine. Guess that’s it then.”

She nodded. “Yah, that’s it.”

They finished dressing silently. Ella was sure she did the right thing, yet she felt miserable. They were friends and they shouldn’t part like this.

When Derek was about to leave he looked at her and hesitated. “You’ll let me know where you are sent?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I will. But…”

“I understood,” he just said than headed for the door. “Stay alive, Mir.”

“I’m too stubborn to die, you know that,” she said with a grin on her lips. “you, too. Derek, come back, okay?”

He smiled. “Yep, I will. No interest in dying so far from home.”

 

[message from: Lt. Derek Parker] “Hey Mir! Rumors say you’re a damn hero now. I am not very surprised, tbh, you never took disturbances on shore leave lightly. Srsly, I’m glad you made it out alive. I’m proud of you. Can’t wait to see you. D.”

She closed her omnitool and looked out of the window. This message was two years old. They haven’t met since then. They had tried, but their assignments kept them in different systems for two fucking years. Now she was on earth, assigned for the N7 training. Final trials in 3 weeks.

Today she got information about Torfan. A total loss of 75%.

She knew 3 of the survivors and lost 9 friends. Brian, Josh, Helen, Marko, Ben, Kevin, Jolene, Tobi and Derek. She had known all of them, but all she could think of was Derek. All she could think of were his last words he had spoken when they last saw each other. What she had said to him.

She looked down at the piece of cloth in her hand. He’d sent it last Christmas as a present. They’d laughed about it via VidCom. He said something she could hold onto in lonely nights. And she’d said he could go fuck himself. They’d missed each other. She never changed her mind that it was for the best they were on different missions. Now she regretted it. She could have saved him. Or she would have been killed either. Either way she would not have to feel like this. Not again.

She was sure she did not love him, they’d just been really good friends. And it fucking hurt.

“You’re still here, child?”

“Yah, needed some time,” she said when Anderson approached her. He’d come personally to tell her about Torfan. It wasn’t through official channels yet. He wanted to make sure to explain it to her, knowing she wouldn’t take the loss of so many friends lightly.

“It’s hard.”

“Yah, it is. I’ve known them for years.”

Anderson nodded. “I know. They were your friends.”

She nodded, too. She was silent for some time. Still looking at the piece of Derek’s collar in her hand. “He’ll get some chest candy for killing most of his squad, right?”

Anderson sighed. “Yes, he probably will. You know, as hard as it may be right now to understand, Shepard. He did what he had to. And he won, that’s what counts.”

Ella snorted. “No, he fucking killed his own people. That’s not the way.”

Anderson stood up. “I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation.”

“I was in a fucking similar situation and decided otherwise.”

“Yes, you did. At the risk of your own life.”

“Yah, at least I’m able to look in the mirror at the end of the day.”

Anderson left her. There was more he had to say about it, but she did not want to hear it. And he knew. She needed time.

Time she did not have. She had to concentrate on her training. That fucking sniper still pissed her off, and concentrating would now be even more difficult. She had to compartmentalize better. She had to learn that or she would get killed.


	11. 2176, Elysium, shore leave, Skyllian Blitz

Charge, Nova, shoot. Over and over again. Aim right between the eyes - at some point she had stopped wondering between which set of them. More concerning was the lack of ammunition and the still renewing lines of enemies. Like rats, they came out of every hole. But she rather died than let those bastards reach the main colony.  
Her muscles were tense and sore from the constant fighting. But she wasn’t completely alone, she just preferred to risk her life alone. The rest was defending the colony itself. Stationed at strategic points, keeping the enemy at bay. It didn’t matter if they could actually aim and hit a moving target or not. For the Batarians it was a risk they wouldn’t take. It was a show. One that would only work for so long – hopefully long enough until someone caught their distress call and came to their rescue. Because she didn’t have the illusion to win this.  
Her omnitool vibrated. She had turned sound and lights off for incoming calls and messages. It was Ray. Shit. Yeah she would take care of it. Sure, because it was not at least one click away. Chances she would be there in time were slim. With another deep breath she started moving, setting her omnitool to her new destination.  
And once on this fucking day she was lucky. Just two of these bastards guarding a vehicle that would bring her much faster to her destination. It worked out quick and without any problems. Pull, shoot - first one done - Shock Wave, Charge, wait, shrug. Already dead.  
Five minutes later she reached her destination and left the vehicle. Better not make them aware she was here, so she took cover and tried to assess the situation from a higher point. But she soon realized she had not much time, after she walked past the first body. Shit, these bastards.  
But again she was lucky. They didn’t secure their position to well. Fuck they hadn’t calculated any opposition right here. Their hostages were kids. And they had thought to take over the colony much more easy.  
Taking out the few guards wasn’t too hard and soon there were just the three guys left guarding the kids. A fucking school excursion. They were too close to the kids so she couldn’t charge, a shot and she’d endanger the whole group. So she decided for something else.  
Her steps were full of confidence, battered and bruised by now, still lacking an armor, the heavy pistol in her right hand. They got aware of her quickly and yelled at her, her translator having problems adjusting, because of some damage it had received during this darn day. She couldn’t care less. She never had had the plan to actually negotiate with them. She just needed to lure them away from the kids.  
She grinned and changed the hand in which she held her weapon, a plan forming in her head, the omnitool coming to life, still in standby but operational in less than a second. The exact amount of time she’d need.  
Few words were exchanged until the batarians realized she didn’t understand them properly and wouldn’t be able to follow their commands even if she wished to.  
They came closer drawing their weapons at her, still in reach of the kids. Ella took a few steps back, slowly luring them a few more feet away from the group. They thought themselves in the advantage. She still grinned. They were so fucking stupid, she had this plan, but that it would work so easily… Unbelievable.  
Shoot at the first one, closest to the kids.. Activate the omniblade, charge the second one farthest away from the kids, stab him to make sure he was dead. Shoot the third one, aiming at her but too surprised to actually hit her, the barrier taking most of the graze shot. Done. Just another flesh wound and scared but also kinda relieved kids that couldn’t believe it was over. Ella made them hide inside on of the buildings. The best she could do for now. It was not expected that there would come more. They had enough at their hands on the fringes of the colony.  
One girl came to her and grabbed for her wrist, right before she left the building. “Thank you. You didn’t have to rescue us with the colony under attack.”  
Ella hesitated and looked at her. Then she nodded. “I know what it’s like to be in a situation like this, you know,” she whispered. “Fearing for your life and all that.” She turned around to the girl and almost smiled. “Stay here and you’ll be safe. I’ll send someone to pick you up as soon as it’s safe to come back. It can’t be long until reinforces arrive. You can take care everyone stays inside?”  
The girl nodded. “Yeah, I think I got an idea how to with this.”  
“Good,” a smile crossed her lips. “It’s no shame in being afraid. Just never let it get the better of you.” A last nod and Ella left the kids inside of the building.


	12. 2179, Pirate Hideout, Joab (Rosetta Nebula/Enoch System)

 

               Water on her head. She groaned and tried to move, but everything she got was pain. Basically everywhere, but  mostly her shoulders. Her arms were almost numb.  More water hit her. Slowly her senses got to life again and before she actually opened her eyes she tried to assess her surroundings before she overwhelmed her brain with what she would see.

         Her wrists, after her shoulders the point where she felt the most pain right now. It took her a moment to realize they were bound over her head, and that the reason why her arms were numb and shoulders and wrists hurt was that she had hung on them for the time she had been unconscious. Her feet were touching the floor, or the balls of her feet did. It was enough so she didn’t hang completely, but not enough to release the traction on her arms. They could go and fuck themselves if they thought this would break her.

          She could smell mouldiness, so it was a wet place, the sound of footsteps echoed, a small mostly empty room. Maybe even under the ground. She was hungry, and her lips were dry, she had been unconscious for at least six hours, probably by drugs. Great.

          A slap to her face let her decide that it was probably time to open her eyes. Ella guessed there would be more than that, but it would be worse if she played asleep. The first thing she could see was the back of a shaved head in the dim light of the room. Then her eyes darted through the room and evaluated her field of vision. Dirty walls and floor, just one chair.

          Then the man turned around and Ella could see his insane eyes. They were blue and staring at her, the grin from his lips visible in his eyes and making his expression even more insane. Great. This would be painful. Fuck.

          She clenched her teeth when he hit her in her side. Okay, so he knew where to hit so it hurts. He knew what he was doing here. Was probably not helpless even if she could get off this hook she was hanging on.

          “Lieutenant Commander Shepard. Weren’t you the bitch who pissed on the Batarians attempt to raid Elysium a few years back?” he asked her

          Ella chuckled and hat to take another hit. But she grinned even while she was groaning. “That your way to thank me?” Her voice hoarse for the dehydration.

          “Nah, I’m thinking of something else,” he said looking at her and grabbing for her jaw, lifting her face a bit into the light. “You destroyed the bit of respect I had for you when you invaded my home. Now I have to punish you; unfortunately.” Another hit, aiming for her liver this time. He fucking played with her. Whatever he wanted to do with her, he wanted to make her go weak before it. He knew she was a soldier and for once someone did not underestimate her completely. But he probably had no idea what being an N7 meant. But he’d learn.

          “Punishment? Sounds good. Pulling nails and burning my skin and all or something more creative?” She laughed one humorless laugh, reminding of a bark. There were few things that could truly scare her. One was a possibility - if her team was still alive. But pain was none of them.

          He laughed as well and with a jerk of his head movement was audible in the room. So there were others in here. Two people as far as Ella could say from what she heard. She was freed from the position she was in and pushed onto the chair.

          The two others left the room after that immediately, probably took position in front of the door. Ella was fighting against the pain in her arms and shoulders, now that they were released, blood flooding through them again and reminding them that they had been in an abnormal position for quite some time. Shit. This would probably be more difficult that she’d thought.

         But in the end it wasn’t, not as much as she had feared. Because playing along just a bit, risking a bit more would pay out, or so she hoped. Ella could see more than clear he had a hard on from this situation and if she hadn’t been sure before she now was sure she did deal with a mad person here.

         When he spread her legs forcibly to settle himself between them she scoffed. “You think I’m afraid of your tiny cock, hm?” To be honest, she was a bit afraid that she was stretching her luck. Mocking him could as well encourage him, instead of raise his anger and lower his guard. But it was the only way. So she let him kneel between her legs pressing his cock against her and just kept still.

          ”That was all? Oh, you’re disappointing me. I thought you would give me a bit more of a fight.” He grinned and let his hip rock against her. “Well, ‘m gonna enjoy it anyway,” he said when he lowered his hands to her hips, grabbing for her waistband, but then decided otherwise and let his hands slide up her front.

         Ella let him. It was disgusting and reminded her of something she’d rather not think of because it raised anger and that wasn’t what he should see in her eyes.  But she did her best to hide it and he was so busy with explaining her how he’d fuck her that he didn’t look up at her.

          She watched him carefully, waited for the right moment, ignored his hands as best as she could, ignored what it raised in her. He would pay later. Hopefully.

          And then things happened much quicker. Ella’s cautiousness was almost in the wind, having enough of him being that close and touching what was not his to touch, when he suddenly made the mistake to let both elbows slide between her thighs. Finally what Ella had waited for, it had lasted too long.

          She almost missed the moment, when she tried to move painfully tensed up muscles. Her thighs closed around his neck and with a turn of her spine she had him off his balance and on the floor. Ella let her be pulled with him, pinning him with her weight to the floor. He was too surprised to act on this  and Ella didn’t plan to wait for him to adjust to the situation. She was too exhausted to use her biotics properly and had to rely on her combat skills.

         Ella looked at him struggling, but he couldn’t get rid of her thighs slowly strangling him. “What, you wanted my cunt close to your face, didn’t you?” Her legs tighten a bit more around his neck, until his struggling subsided a bit enough to risk letting go a bit of him. It would take him a moment to recover - time she would use.

          She leaned her hips a bit back, enough to give her access to his throat and punched him in his larynx, breaking the fragile construct. He would suffocate. Yet she did punch him again - and again.  He still fought, but it was in vain, he was as dead as someone could be, just not yet.

          Ella crawled away from him, kicking him in his face before she was out of reach.  Adrenaline still running through her veins she tried to calm down a bit, catch breath, before she would have to continue. It wasn’t done, she just needed a moment to focus again, shrug off the emotions, the disgust and the shame. She didn’t need these emotions now, but she could use them to raise anger. And that was something she needed. Because there was hell of a long and hard way ahead of her to get out of here and rescue what was left of her team.


End file.
